![]() When I consider “To be or not to be,” I contemplate the worth of the illness I deal with and the shame, guilt and pain I feel of not being adequate enough to be in this world. Let your life continue on like the beautiful story it is, full of commas, semicolons and hyphens. Your life does not have to finish with a final period in that way. But suicide does not have to be an option. I sympathize and I identify with it often. So to those who desire “ To die: to sleep No more,” I understand. But the expectations of a recovery timeline are compared just the same. I believe it is the furthest thing from a “simple fix” like many other disorder. No more panic, no more feeling like the world is a monotonous tone of sadness and despair, no more hellish interactions and heartaches, no more self-hate. Only the one affected can fully know and understand the level of pain - both physically and mentally - they are feeling. I understand the desperation that comes after struggling with mental illness. Sometimes, you just want it to be over. It is a tragic thing when a precious person decides their life is no longer of value and that they would much rather not be at all. In no way am I encouraging or condoning suicide. They care so much about what others will think of them and how they’ll be perceived by onlookers, that their actions can become geared to pleasing the imaginary demands of their peers and acquaintances. Those affected often put other people’s thoughts and opinions before their own needs and desires. Hamlet continues on, debating, “Whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer” or “to take arms against a sea of troubles, And by opposing, end them?” In this phrase he asks, it more noble, more applauded, to let yourself struggle through unbelievably strenuous mental torture, or to stop the struggle? I believe Hamlet’s struggle shows the concept that so often exists in mental illness. But how can I do that when I can barely be something to myself? When my daily triumphs include actually finding the fortitude and power to make it to zero hour and being able to go the entire school day before getting one of my trademark headaches courtesy of yours truly, anxiety? ![]() ![]() I want to make a difference in this world, change the way people understand the world and interact with others through my writings, or radically improve the lives of the young patients I hope to one day treat. Days when I feel like I can barely get out of bed, let alone actually be something of true value to this world. Everything I am feeling and experiencing overwhelms me, beating me down until I question the purpose and worth of this life. I believe this seemingly dark and gloomy scene perfectly captures the point in a person’s journey with mental illness where they too may question, “Do I want to be, or not?” This is the infamous question in Shakespeare’s play, “Hamlet.” In the scene, Hamlet contemplates whether to die by suicide and end all of his suffering, or to continue trudging through life.
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